“We’ll call this guy Jack. Jack ate an entire meal, drink and dessert included, and then he very loudly refused to pay because he found a hair in his food, while proudly showing his napkin with a hair on it. Jack then smugly walked out of the restaurant, leaving a sobbing waitress in his wake. Before he could get to his car, two patrons at the bar overhearing all this, caught up with Jack. They argued with a lot of finger pointing and yelling. Then things got quiet. The two guys from the bar had their hands on their hips staring at Jack, who resolutely stood his ground. Then the two from the bar looked at each other, nodded slightly, then in a flurry of fists and elbows proceeded to pummel Jack to the ground. With a sprawled Jack at their feet, they then took his wallet and removed all his cash and his driver’s license. Then they shook him awake. They told him if they ever saw him again, they would repeat what had just happened. If the police were called, they would go to his address listed on the license and again pummel him in front of his wife and kids. They were pointing and talking, and Jack just kept nodding at everything they said. Then they dragged him back into the restaurant and had him apologize to the crying waitress. They whispered something to him and he took out his credit card and handed it to her, telling her in a loud but shaky voice, ‘Please use this to pay for my meal and please give yourself a 50% tip of the bill’.
More whispering in Jack’s ear produced the following, ‘I want to apologize to everyone here for my behavior, I was foolish.’
More whispering in both of Jack’s ears produced this, ‘And as a means to try and make things up to all you folks, I’d..’ then he stopped and shook his head. The guy on Jack’s right kidney punched him with only two fingers, and Jack started to whimper and continue, ‘I’d also like to buy you all dinner too.’
The restaurant was quiet awhile, until a ten year old boy said, ‘Gee, thank you mister!’ and then laughter and applause filled the room. Then the two men squeezed Jack between them, and each wrapped an arm around Jack’s shoulder while smiling from ear to ear. They then asked the restaurant patrons to take pictures of them and their good buddy Jack, and to post it on their Facebook pages. Then they took Jack to a bar stool and sat on each side of him, then proceeded to get him wasted while the rest of the patrons finished their meals and the checks were tallied. The restaurant closing time was 10 p.m., but the owner closed early after the last diner left, which was around 9:25 p.m. Then the owner gathered the kitchen and serving staff and assembled around the bar, having their free drinks for the night. All the while, Jack slept and snored with his face on the bar top, settled in a pool of spilled drinks and littered shot glasses. The owner made eye contact with the two on either side of Jack and pointed with his chin to the back of the restaurant, so they nodded and followed. When they got there, this is what was decided. The owner would call for a taxi service he used for handling wasted patrons. He would tell the driver that Jack drank way too much, lost his license, and needed a ride. The two agreed, handed the owner half of Jack’s roll, and told him to take care of his staff and the waitress again too. He smiled as he left.
The taxi arrived about 10:10 p.m., and the two men had to carry Jack to the taxi and buckled him in the back seat. The owner appeared with an empty gallon can with the top off and the rim taped, just in case things got dicey with Jack’s stomach. The last of Jack’s roll went to the taxi driver as the two discussed what had actually happened to Jack, which was the reason he was bleeding, bruised, and had one eye swollen shut. They all shook hands and gave the driver Jack’s wallet with no cash and a missing driver’s license. As the taxi backed up, they gave a half salute to the driver who nodded back. And that was the last they saw or heard from Jack. So you must be asking yourself how I would know how all of this went down in the restaurant. Well I am definitely not Jack, so I must be the left or the right bar patron. But I’ll never tell.”
