Most people who are concerned about the pandemic are thinking about the aspect of getting Covid-19 and how to keep themselves safe. Many of the other medical problems in life are now brushed away for the fear of going to the hospitals or seeking medical help if it’s not for Covid-19. The limitations on who can be in hospitals is another piece of the puzzle that has been daunting for many families. Just taking my daughter to the doctor, only me or her dad can go. My mom’s best friend can’t go with her husband when he goes in to an oncologist to receive bad news. This story was shared on our Storyblend Facebook Group and it hit home with many people who have dealt with similar struggles related to the new policies enforced in medical buildings. Our Storyblender tells what she is going through alone in a hospital after her son attempted the unthinkable. The struggles are on a variety of levels and shedding light on what everyone is going through in different ways will help our world become more understanding of others during this difficult time.
“My baby took pills and tried to hurt himself. My oldest, my butterfly, my baby.
I am sitting in this hospital room feeling like a failure. I tried to be everything he needed me to be and I failed. I loved, supported, and stood for him. But it wasn’t enough. I don’t know what is. I’m afraid to ask. Thankfully he is sleeping peacefully. For now. Before they take him away from me. I’m so scared what this will bring for him now. Hopefully help. The right help. But I have so many what if’s.
I really thought I was doing a good job. That we could make it. But if I am wrong about this what else am I wrong about? I know this is a mess. That it’s probably incomprehensible.
I am just sitting here crying, needing someone to talk to while I hold my head in my hands. His dad isn’t allowed in because of Covid. I feel weird talking and crying to him on the phone with the sitter here. I haven’t told most of my family because of the judgment. My head is pounding and I’m just waiting.
I think what has scared me the most is how strong he is though. Please understand my child is very timid and acts afraid of the world. But here? He hasn’t shed a tear and doesn’t really to want to hold my hand. It’s like he’s a different person. Maybe the 72 hour hold hasn’t sunk in yet? Maybe he really doesn’t care? Is this what he wanted? I have no idea. I suppose I won’t for a while.”
