No Autographs
“I didn’t meet Allen Iverson, my mom did but this seems relevant to this thread. My family would frequent Atlantic City during my childhood. My mom loved to play the game three card poker and had a favorite table she would always play at Bally’s. Well she went to play one day and saw that it was blocked by security guards because low and behold, my favorite basketball player Allen Iverson was using it. She sat at the next table and casually struck up a conversation with one of the security guards. She talked to him on and off for an hour and mentioned to him that her son was a huge fan of AI. The bouncer saw her with a pen and napkin and looked in the opposite direction. My mom approached AI and asked if she could get his autograph for her son who was a huge fan. He told her ‘get the frick away from me you fricking brat.’ Except there was a lot of profanity. I threw away his Jersey I owned the next day and have hated the 76ers ever since.”
Just a Nod
“Well, I’ve had two completely different experiences with famous people. First was Vince Vaughn. I was having breakfast with my parents in downtown Chicago and he happened to be filming part of ‘The Dilemma’ in a building directly behind the restaurant. I walked around the back to cut over to the next street to get the car and he came out to walk to his limo. Now, I’ve heard plenty about how celebrities can be cantankerous about fans mobbing them and geeking out, so I decided to play it cool and just give him a nod when I walked past him. I nodded, he replied with, ‘f off.’
What a prick. The more positive experience I had was in Vail back in, oh, I think it was 2002. I was there with a few friends to ski during Winter break and walked out on the back porch to smoke a joint. The dude next to us came out to drink at the same time. We exchanged pleasantries, I gave him a few drags off my smoke and just chatted. The other guy in the room came out for a smoke about this time. He asked me about my Slipknot shirt I was wearing and I told him, ‘Eh, just my second favorite band!’
He asked what my favorite band was, told him it was Metallica and he kinda chuckled, looked at his buddy, and said, ‘Well, at least we’re second to a legend!’
Turns out it was Shawn Crahan and Corey Taylor in the earlier days of Slipknot, so of course, I didn’t recognize them because they hadn’t appeared without their masks at that point. They gave me an autographed copy of their first DVD and self-titled album and were generally awesome guys. the next night we joined them for some brews and hamburgers. Totally awesome guys!”
Car Troubles
“My friend was at a Slipknot show. Afterward, when she went to leave, someone had slashed her tires. She went back into the venue to call her parents (pre-teens-having-cellphones). Shawn Crahan walked by, saw her with security crying while waiting for her parents to come to get her and he gave her a couple of hundred bucks from his pocket, told her he was sorry that happened at their show, and invited her to hang backstage with the band until she got picked up.”
High School Newspaper Reporter
I’ve met Marc and Craig Kielburger, and Greg Mortenson, and interviewed both of them. I was going to interview Quentin Tarantino as well, but it was already 1:00 am and he wanted to go back to his hotel. This was all for my High School Newspaper. I’d say that with the exception of Quentin Tarantino, my heroes were quite rude and condescending. Tarantino, on the other hand, autographed my book (which is something he said he never does) of his screenplays (Reservoir Dogs and True Romance) at the end. I still have it, a decade later. Although the public opinion is that Tarantino is vain, he was the nicest celebrity I’ve met and incredibly down to earth.”
Does Captain Kirk Speak Arabic?
“Old story but I grew up in Morocco and we never had any good television, just two channels, Channel One ( Government) and Channel Two (Benny Hill on Saturday nights). A friend of mine had gotten tapes of Star Trek, with Kirk and Spock, except it was badly dubbed over in Arabic. I grew up thinking Shatner and Nimoy were Egyptian (because of the Egyptian accent overdub). A few years after arriving in Canada I was at a charity event where Shatner was co-hosting. I went to introduce myself and being a dumb butt and not doing my research started greeting him in Arabic. He turned around, and told me ‘Are we really doing this, do you have any shame?’ and walked away.
I thought for years after that, it was bad to speak to other people in Arabic in Canada. Turns out thinking about it years later that he probably thought I was some prick trying to speak to him in Klingon.”
Hard to Take Your Order Without Speaking to You
“Vince Vaughn and Kevin James were in New Haven, CT during a movie promotional tour. Everyone that met them said they were total freaking pricks. The waitstaff at restaurants was told not to look at them and not to address them directly. When a waitress asked what he would like to drink, Kevin James said, ‘You were told not to talk to me directly.’
Someone went to say hi to Vince Vaughn while he was outside smoking and he just barked ‘Get away from me.'”
Stars Need Car Repairs Too
“I’m from North of Boston, pretty much the area where they shot Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2, so for a whole summer Sandler, Spade, Kevin James, Chris Rock etc were all floating around. I worked at a car dealership and Kevin James came in to buy a car. All of our managers told us to not even look at him. One of my buddies tried getting a picture and he and his security were super pricks, basically said no. Also met John Cena when he brought his brother’s car in to get fixed. Though he looked super grumpy, I asked him if anyone was helping him. He smiled and said “thanks man I appreciate it, if I’m still standing here in 5 minutes, come help me out.” I said sure, but he got taken care of. When he paid he pulled out this WWE Black Credit Card, it was pretty cool. He seemed nice, I just don’t think he wanted anyone to notice him.”
Call Me Jack
“This isnt my personal story but from my Grandpa who at the time was a manager at a paper mill. And it just so happened that JFK was coming to the mill for some business thing (I can’t remember exactly). This is about six years before he was elected into office. And when he arrived at the mill he requested to meet the managers. SO my grandfather met JFK who shook his hand and asked how he was doing, my grandpa replied that he was having a son soon (my Dad) and JFK said thats great and wished him the best of luck before leaving. Then eight years later JFK was coming back for a similar visit again asked to meet the managers again and when he saw grandpa, he shook his hand and clapped a hand onto his shoulder before asking how his son was doing. My grandfather extremely surprised at the friendliness that the President was showing him. Let alone remembering him after eight years. So my grandpa said, ‘He is doing great, and thanks for asking Mr. President.’
To which JFK replied, ‘You can call me Jack.'”
Cutting the Line
“I was in Long Island visiting my friend, and we had just woken up from a long night of drinking. Feeling the way that we did, we decided to go to a local deli to get some breakfast sandwiches, because that is the bomb. We waited in line for a while, and when the person in front of us was ordering, in walked BILLY JOEL. Now I’m a pretty big fan, so I had a silent freakout in my head, wondering if I should ask for an autograph or whatever. So Billy Joel grabbed a Gatorade and then walked to the front of the deli line. He was in front of me. So, the other guy was still ordering and I thought that maybe Billy Joel just wanted to look at the menu behind the counter. The guys finished ordering and paid, and then Billy Joel just started ordering like a million sandwiches. At this point, my shock at him cutting me off overtook me being starstruck and I said, ‘Oh hey, I think I was next man.’
He turned around with the most contemptuous look on his face and said to me (like I was a piece of garbage), ‘Well I guess now I’m next, you fruck,’ and turned around and kept ordering. I just stood there with my mouth open. I didn’t know ANYONE could be that much of a prick, let alone Billy Joel.”
Getting Some Pointers
“I’ve had many, many celebrity interactions, and have many second-hand stories from friends and family. Some have been terrible, some have been great. But I’ll tell you the most surprising one. Dustin Hoffman at a ski resort. Dustin Hoffman was standing in line for a lift behind me, with his private ski instructor. I was like, Holy shitake, Dustin Hoffman! What should I do? What should I do?!
While I was contemplating my next move, Dustin Hoffman started talking to the child in line behind him. He literally just glanced back behind him, and there was this little girl there, probably age six or seven. So as I was trying to decide whether or not to say hi to Dustin Hoffman, he started a convo with a six-year-old girl, and said, ‘Hi there. You really seem to know what you’re doing. I’m pretty new to this. Do you have any advice for me?’
And this girl, who of course has no idea who Dustin Hoffman is, was just rattling off advice like, ‘Well, don’t be scared, and remember to keep your skis like a pizza slice so you can go slow at first, and if you fall don’t worry too much because everybody falls!’
and Dustin Hoffman was just listening intently, asking her questions, and before I know it I was at the lift and just turn around and smiled at him, and he smiled back at me while this girl continued talking to him. So, no, I didn’t get to talk to Dustin Hoffman, but listening to him be totally cool and chill with a kid was awesome. I always liked his movies, but now Dustin Hoffman is one of my all-time-favorite actors.”
Don’t Interrupt an Author Reading a Book
“Not my story, but a friend of mine saw Kurt Vonnegut sitting on a park bench in New York reading a book. My friend is a huge fan so he mustered up the courage to say hi, but before he could even say anything Kurt just looked up and said Fruck Off. Honestly, I think that’s better than an autograph.”
Breaking a Child’s Heart
“Not my hero, but I once witnessed (Detroit Pistons) Tayshaun Prince ruin a little kid’s childhood. My friends and I were at a Subway close to where the Pistons play. The only other people in the Subway were a young boy (wearing a Pistons shirt) and his mother. In walks, Tayshaun Prince and this kid started to lose his mind. His mother told him to wait till Tayshaun ordered his food to approach him. The kid waited patiently for about five minutes then approached Tayshaun as he was walking to the door. All this kid said was,’Hi Tayshaun’ and smiled.
I’ve never seen an adult give a child such a disapproving look, he rolled his eyes and began to walk out the door. The kid started crying as my friend yelled out, ‘You’re a freaking prick!'”
The Butt of the Joke
“Back in 1989 my mom bought my dad tickets to a comedy show for his 40th birthday. The comedian was Jon Stewart, and at the time he wasn’t very well known. My dad heard some of his stuff and really liked what he knew of him. They were in the front row in a room full of 20-somethings. Naturally, Jon Stewart picked up on this and relentlessly teased my dad for being the ‘old guy’ the entire night. Not just a small dig at one point, literally on and off jabs the whole night. Little did he know it was his 40th birthday and it hit a little too close to home. He is a comedian though and stuff like that is to be expected, so my dad didn’t hold it against him. At the end of the night, he gave my dad a huge hug and thanked him for being such a good sport and giving him some solid material. My dad has been a huge Daily Show fan ever since and still mentions that story to people. Not really a bad story, but it started out that way.”
On the Green
“Bill Murray. I was in Scottsdale a few years ago for the Phoenix Open, and Murray was playing the Pro-Am with someone I can’t remember. I was in the tee box crowd on a hole, and he shanks one, so far in fact that a search ensues. So we just follow the golfers up the fairway to where roughly the ball should have landed. No one can find Murray’s ball, and he is getting visibly embarrassed and peeved. So he decides to take his frustration out on the closest guy that holds up the ‘quiet please’ sign that patrols the holes/golfers.
So well within earshot of all the fans, Murray says to the guy, ‘where did my ball go?’ with attitude.
The guy said, ‘I’m not sure, I didn’t see it land sir.’
Murray said, ‘Well it’s your job to track golfers balls isn’t it?’
He replied, ‘Yes sir. When they land on the fairway.’
Murray then mumble’s some other stuff to the guy in a whisper and walks away to keep looking in frustration. So Murray ends up taking a drop and moves on, and I stay at the hole and go up to talk with the TPC guy. When the crowd moves on to follow I ask him what Murray mumbled to you.
‘You’re a freaking joke,’ he said.
But he told me that is nothing new with Murray, as he has played the Phoenix open before and he’s a well know prick. Oh, and the TPC guys at the phoenix open are all like 65-year-old volunteers.”
Behind the Scenes Prick
“I worked at Barnes and Noble where Nicholas Sparks was doing a signing for a new book. The dude is kind of a jack. In front of his fans, he is really good. But in the back I watched him take a poster that someone poured their heart into, look it over and say ‘Can you believe the shite people make me?’
Then he tore it up. He also did and said a lot of things that made him seem really pompous. You could tell the guy used to people sucking his metaphorical prick all the time. Never looked at his work the same again.”
Drive Thru Sighting
“I was working at Bojangles in the drive-thru. Dale Earnhardt came through the drive-thru and I immediately recognized him. Being star-struck I said, ‘Hey you’re Dale Earnhardt!’
He replied, ‘And you’re just a drive-thru worker.’
Being 15 this was pretty crushing. I guess it helped in the long run, I joined the military on my 17th birthday. So I wouldn’t be stuck doing that for the rest of my life.”
An Adult Bully
“My little brother and I loved professional golf when we were kids, and when Tiger Woods came on the scene as an amateur we were in awe of him. This was back before he had bodyguards on the course with him, and nearly 15 years before he became a universally acknowledged scumbag. We used to run up to the golfers as they were finishing a round and were heading to the clubhouse or practice areas- a brief moment that we could catch them in person outside of the crowd control barriers, and most guys were willing to oblige a seven-year-old kid with an autograph. Not Tiger Woods.
‘Mr. Woods, can I have your autograph?’ my brother asked in his bravest voice, and without a word, Tiger stuck out his hand and knocked him down. And he just walked away. Like a bully on the playground, but an adult bully to an eight-year-old kid. Tiger Woods is a prick.”
Underwear Stars
“As a 70’s kid, Star Wars was my life back then. I was obsessed with it all for much of my youth. Literally. Everything I owned, wore, played with, watched, listened to, read, or otherwise consumed was directly Star Wars related. Fast forward many years. I was at San Diego Comic Con walking the floor. I was just standing off to the side people watching and resting a bit when I casually looked up at the person next to me and it was Mark Hamill. I nearly pooed myself. I wanted to say something cool, but my star-struck brain failed me.
‘I used to have your face on my underwear!’ I said.
Yeah, that was the first thing out of my mouth. He had a good laugh, we talked for a few minutes about Star Wars, Joker, and Wing Commander. Pretty soon a few other people recognized him and he basically said he had to move on. He gave me his autograph and vanished into the crowd.”
A Delayed Response
“It ended up kind of cool, but it was nerve-racking. In second grade or so, we had an assignment to write a letter to a famous person to practice our writing and learn how to send letters or whatever, so I mailed a nice letter to president Bill Clinton about what I did and what I liked and how I thought he was cool. No response (but to be fair, like two people in my class got letters back). Fast forward to high school, and we’re driving home from school, and I picked up the mail on my way in, as usual. And I noticed a big packet with a golden seal, addressed to me, from ‘William Jefferson Clinton’… I was a bit of a troublemaker, as were my friends, so my first reaction was what the heck did I do? I seriously thought I was in trouble. After some contemplating I decided to open it, maybe get a head start on my parents figuring out what I did and how much trouble I was in. I opened it up, and it’s a big signed photo of Bill Clinton, with something written on it like ‘[my name], I like spaghetti too! I hope you’re doing well! Go Tigers!’ (my old soccer team).
I forgot all about it, so I was like what is this? Then I showed my mom and she remembered and cleared everything up. But it was so funny to me, I was so scared I was in trouble with the president somehow, but it ended up just being a really late response to my old letter. Pretty cool, but man I was nervous, I thought I’d ticked off the leader of the free world.”
Game of Thrones Pub Night
“I was on a night out in Glasgow with a couple of mates at a pretty well-known pub called Oran Mor. At about two in the morning, we decided to call it a night and head home. We were standing outside the pub joking. This was the middle of January and it was freezing so the street was pretty empty apart from a guy running a little hotdog stand with a huge dude next to him inhaling a couple of hotdogs. My mate pointed out jokingly that the dude looked like the Hound from Game of Thrones. I laughed then looked a bit closer. It was him! I peed myself laughing and I started to walk towards him when he shouted mid-chew, ‘FRICK OFF.’
It was absolutely hilarious and come to think about it, it’s exactly the way I hoped he’d be.”
“Baby” Sitting
“My mom was in charge of security for Kid Rock. She said he was like a giant child and he complained the entire time. He also lost his fedora and refused to play the show without one. So someone had to go to Walmart to buy kid rock a fricking fedora so he’d play for the show he’d already been paid to play for.”
Cry Baby Movie Star
“I always loved his movies, but Sylvester Stallone was a complete tool and prick when I worked on a movie set of his. Such a whiny baby and he even threw a temper tantrum when he decided it was hot during the middle of the summer in Louisiana. No shick, sherlock.”
Not Teacher’s Pet
“When I was in college, I went back to my elementary school to visit the teacher I had in third grade. I was both nervous and excited to see her, and maybe catch up on things. I loved her, she was always patient, she was kind, one time kids were making fun of me and I ran crying out of the room and she followed me all the way to the bathroom just to comfort me until I was ready to go back. I was a sensitive kid and she was always kind to me. When I visited her, she spent the entire conversation playing Solitaire on her computer and nodding and giving half-hearted replies, she glanced at me maybe twice. Her body language was like I wasn’t even there. I was so crushed. She did walk me to the door though so I guess that was nice. I was so sad when I went home, she probably just didn’t remember me from so long ago but I thought maybe at least she could have tried. Maybe it was a long day for her but man, I was sad.”
